Questions and answers about child abuse and neglect
The term ‘child abuse’ means different things to different people. Some believe it’s only used in cases of physical or sexual abuse. Some understand that spanking or shouting are considered abusive. ESCAPE Family Resource Center teaches parenting classes that help.
What is child abuse?
Child abuse is harm to, or neglect of, a child by another child or an adult. Child abuse happens in all cultural, ethnic, and income groups. It can be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual or a result of neglect. Abuse may cause serious injury to the child and may even result in death.
My child has witnessed adults hitting and fighting with each other. Now he is beginning to do this as well. How can I help change his behavior?
Children imitate the behavior of the people they love and trust. When a young child observes parents or loved ones hitting each other, it’s no surprise that he imitates them. Hitting hurts. If you can tell that your child is about to hit you, stop him beforehand and firmly tell him “no.” But anger is a natural emotion, and it’s important to let children know that you understand their need to express it. Acknowledge their feelings and then give them words to talk about it. Most importantly, model this behavior for your children. Every relationship they develop will be a better one if they learn and practice this skill.
I’ve heard that spanking is a form of child abuse. Is this true?
At ESCAPE, we teach parents that spanking is the first step toward child abuse. Spanking a child destroys self-esteem and, as you have learned, when your child is big enough, he will hit back. Talking is a better way to change behavior and, in the end, more effective. A parent can always say to a child, “I love you, but I don’t approve of what you did.” It is true that spanking with belts, extension cords, paddles, etc leaves bruises and you could be charged with child abuse.
I often lose my temper with my child. How can I change?
The cycle of child abuse can only be changed by practicing and teaching new behavior. As parents, you can use your voice to change this reality and transform the future of boys and girls in Houston—and their children, and their children. Use every opportunity to model composure and compassion with your children, especially in times of conflict. Here’s how:
- Stop the action—“I know you’re angry, but you may not hit her.”
- State what you see—“We only have one toy and two children. Let’s talk about sharing.”
- Listen to their explanation—Listen patiently to their issues.
- Identify the problem and acknowledge their feelings—“You’re sad that he took the toy away from you.”
- Brainstorm solutions—“What can we do about this?”
- Listen to all suggestions—“Robert wants to take turns. He’d like the first turn. Is this okay?”
- Summarize—Once a solution is agreed upon, commend the children for their choice in helping to resolve the conflict.
- These strategies are effective whether you are angry with your child or your child is angry with someone else.
Source: Dr. Geeta Thakur
I plan on setting up discussions with my children and listening more to their feelings and need. I also plan on setting up a parenting meeting with my ex-wife to set up guidelines and discuss the best interests of the children.
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